The Time To Sooth Your Soul
by SolariaLunar21
Summary: He's sixty-four years old when he comes home from a Friday night dinner with some close friends in town and sees the answering machine blinking. *WARNING! Major Character Death but not that angsty & unprotected sex between two CLEAN and consenting adults*


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the characters except for the mentioned OC's of this story. All others belong to CowLip & Showtime. Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental and not meant to be intentional by the author. Copyright infringement is not intended.

**A/N: **Ok so I have no clue if an idea similar to this has been done before if it has I apologize. I'd like to say thank you for clicking in despite the warning that's in the summary. Also if I have Emmett's age wrong I apologize I believe it was mentioned early on that he was at least a couple years younger than Brian and Michael so that's what it was based off from. And I apologize if either of them seem OOC in this but I figured Brian might be a little different considering the circumstances and his age. I also do have some ideas of making more stories in this universe that cover the months that are glazed over, but nothing written yet. Anyways enjoy!

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><p>He's sixty-four years old when he comes home from a normal Friday night dinner with some close friends in town and sees the answering machine blinking. Justin lives by himself these days in a small cozy cabin in Maine where he owns a local art gallery having stopped creating for the masses himself six years before due to the long run effects of a bat to the head. He has a small group of friends who meet up every Friday without fail for dinner and they talk and laugh about the days when they were young. It's on this Friday at the beginning of September though that he comes home to the answering machine presses the button and a fondly thought of well-remembered voice echoes in his living room.<p>

"Justin, sweetie, its Emmett I know we haven't spoken in a long time but I wouldn't be calling unless it was important and I felt you needed to know. It's about Brian baby, he's got cancer has had it for a while now and the doctors are saying he's only got a couple months left. I just I know that well he'd like to see his Sunshine one last time so just call me please if you decide to come. We miss you baby hope to hear from you soon." The message ends and Justin stands there in shock for a moment as Emmett's words wash over him. After that things turn into sort of a blur until he steps off a plane at Pittsburgh International Airport twelve hours later. It doesn't take long for him to spot Emmett, seventy-four years old and his flame is still burning just as brightly as the day Justin met him.

"Oh baby I'm so glad you came." The taller man whispers when Justin's pulled into a hug that he's afraid to let go from. He's missed Emmett and it's nice to hug someone who's known him since he was so young, who knows parts of him that other's he's met in the years since he left Pittsburgh don't.

"Me too Em me too." He whispers and soon they pull away and Justin picks up his bag and follows Emmett out to his car.

"I wish this was a happier reason that you were coming back here but it's good to see you." Emmett says as they drive back to the streets of Pittsburgh that both look the same and different to Justin all at once.

"Em is there anything I should be prepared for?" He asks. It's the one thing he's wanted to know since he heard the message. He doesn't want to be unprepared in seeing Brian again and finding that he's a shell of the man he once knew but he's been preparing himself for that in case that's the verdict.

"Nothing shocking still has his hair and all that, he decided not to have treatment because it was already terminal when they diagnosed and it only would make him miserable as they prolonged the inevitable. Still lives at the loft, that's where we're going now, ultimately he's still Brian he just sleeps a bit more than he used to."

Justin just nods and stares out the window of the car and thinks back to the last time he saw Brian. It was twenty one years ago he was forty-three and Brian was three weeks shy of fifty-five and it was for Deb's funeral. Deb was his last link to the Liberty Gang, he would talk to Emmett once and a while or hear from Lindsay after a good opening but Deb was the only one who he'd still talked to regularly. Brian was the one who called with the news that Deb had died in her sleep the night before and Brian was the one who picked him up from the airport when he got in five hours later from where he was setting up a show in Chicago. The funeral was held two days after he arrived and afterwards Brian and he went back to the loft and they fucked and made love until Justin had to go back to Chicago. Brian drove him back to the airport kissed him one last time and whispered later Sunshine before he boarded a plane to be greeted at the other end by Dan his partner of five years. He had refused to let Dan come saying he needed to be alone to say goodbye to a woman who was just as much his mother as his own.

Justin's own mother died three years later he didn't see Brian then, he'd been in London apparently at the time on business for Kinnetik but received a letter from him saying he was sorry to hear about Jennifer's passing. That was the last contact that they'd had besides Justin's own letter two years previous when he heard about Michael's death but he hadn't made it back because Dan had passed away a week before in a car accident. He's so caught up in his thoughts that he jumps when Emmett lays a hand on his arm and he notices that they're at the loft. Emmett just squeezes his arm and hands him a key silently.

"You go on up, you don't need silly old me in the way." He whispers and Justin nods before grabbing his bag from the backseat and getting out of the car. He takes the stairs when he gets in the building mainly because despite Emmett's reassurance he needs to make sure he's completely prepared.

When he reaches the loft he breathes for a moment before placing the key in the lock and opening the door. As he does he's met with a place that looks the same and yet different so he drops his bag and makes his way to the bedroom where he half expects to see Brian fucking someone. Justin pauses at the bottom of the stairs and gazes upon Brian who's asleep on the bed that's the same as the last time he saw it and every time before. His face is wrinkled with age and his hair is gray but he's still the most breathtakingly beautiful man that Justin has ever seen. He climbs the steps and notices that the side of the bed that Justin has always thought of as his own is free and when he slips under the sheets it feels like it's been waiting for him. For a while he just lays there staring at Brian trying to memorize every little detail he can before he runs his own wrinkled hand down the side of his cheek. Hazel eyes flutter open and meet his own blue globes and Justin watches as they soften and Brian smiles a little at him.

"Hi Sunshine."

"Hi Brian." He whispers back and he nuzzles the hand that's come to cup his cheek and feels tears slip from his eyes at the overwhelmed feeling he has at being back in this bed with this man.

"Emmett called you."

"Yeah." Justin says softly matching the same tone Brian's speaking in and it feels only natural for him to lean over and connect their lips together in a soft kiss. As he does a part of his soul slips back into place and for the first time in twenty one years since the last time he kissed this man he feels whole.

"I've missed you Sunshine."

"I've missed you too Brian." After that they lay in the bed entwined together kissing softly every once and a while and speaking about anything and everything. Justin talks about Maine and his friends there and Brian talks about Gus and his wife and his grandkids.

"Would you believe that I'm a great-grandpa? Gus's oldest Katrina you met her at Deb's funeral she was a few months old then, got knocked up at the end of her Senior Year. His names Brian after his great-grandpa she asked for a middle name I told her Justin." He says with a twinkle in his eye and Justin smiles kissing him again conveying all the emotion he can in one kiss. They drift to sleep after a few minutes and Justin wakes to Brian laying kisses to his cheeks and forehead and it's when he gets up to use the bathroom he notices the painting above the bed.

"You bought my painting." He states as he stares at one of the last pieces he did hanging above the bed where the lights used to reside all those years ago. Brian looks up at it then and smiles before he pulls Justin back down to him.

"I went to your last show I saw it and I couldn't let anyone else have it. Not when it's us." Brian says and Justin's eyes fill with tears because Brian still knows even now. Justin remembers agonizing over this painting how his hand would act up and how Dan told him he had enough for the show and that he should stop. But he couldn't stop because this painting was everything that he and Brian were poured onto a canvas for the world to see and Justin needed to create and paint that one last time. He remembers it selling and wistfully thinking it had made its way back to Brian but hadn't entertained the notion for long. And he smiles his brightest Sunshine smile at Brian then and whispers words of a boy long forgotten in the wake of baseball bats, bombings, and broken hearts.

"You give a shit, you give a shit, you so care about me you love me so much." And Brian smiles back at him before whispering,

"Fuck you." And Justin dissolves into laughter then bringing Brian with him and they only stop when Justin's stomach growls in the emptiness and he blushes as Brian makes a crack about it still being the same.

"So you got anything I can eat?" He asks and they get out of bed and Brian heats up two plates of pasta primavera that Natalie Gus' wife made and sent over. They talk over their food and Brian tells him a story from the first family dinner they had at Debbie's and how Emmett spilled wine all over Melanie's blouse and Deb's wig caught on fire from a candle in the living room but that all had ended well. Afterwards they curl up on the couch and Brian presses a few buttons and Justin smiles when the "Yellow Submarine" starts playing on the TV across from them. Brian falls asleep again twenty minutes into the movie and Justin spends most of that time staring at him instead of watching the film. He wakes up when the movie has ten minutes left and gets up to use the bathroom. When he comes back Justin has turned the TV off and watches as Brian walks back over to him a serious but at the same time apprehensive look on his face.

"Why so serious?" Justin asks as Brian joins him back on the couch and takes his hand in his.

"I'm dying Justin we both know that and before I do there's one thing I want to do before I go."

"What?" Justin asks and he has to stop his gasp when Brian pulls out the rings that Justin hasn't seen in forty-two years. He stares at Brian tears in his eyes because at this moment he knows more than any other that's happened before that Brian has always loved him.

"What do you say Sunshine? You up to marrying a dying man?" And he laughs because this is the Brian he's loved since he was seventeen and there's only one answer he can give him.

"Yes it will always be yes." He says.

They get married four days later on Gus' forty-seventh birthday in the loft, Emmett acts as minister having been ordained after gay marriage was legalized nationally and more than a few of his clients asked if he could marry them. Gus and his wife, Lindsay, Melanie, and Daphne who Justin called three days before are the only witnesses. They've placed candles around the loft and they glow as the sun goes down behind them as they exchange vows in front of the people that have been there since the beginning.

"Brian I've loved you for forty seven years that's one thing that has never changed. Even when we've been apart I've loved you. You taught me what it means to be my own man and you helped me through the darkest period in my life. You told me once that it was only time and I knew what you meant and its true time will never make me stop loving you." He says staring into the hazel eyes that are burning gold as Brian gives his own vows.

"I never wanted to love you but you forced your way in and I haven't found a way to force you out since. It took me five years to accept your love and to accept my love for you. You are still just as beautiful now as you were then even if you are still an annoying twat. It took us forty-two years to get here Justin and I still love you." Justin loses a bit of focus after that as he just stares into Brian's eyes but knows enough to say I do and feel the ring slip on his finger finally at home. When he kisses Brian in front of their makeshift family it feels like he's seventeen again and when they dance to a corny old song Justin laughs and sways and feels the happiest he's ever been. After the others have left they lay in the bed where they've laid so many times before kissing and touching and Justin is surprised to feel Brian's erection against his leg.

"One more time for old times' sake? I'd hate to put that little blue pill to waste." Brian whispers and Justin laughs pulling Brian on top of him feeling loved and bright knowing that Brian did this for him.

"Like you have to ask." He says and only jumps a little when Brian's fingers play with his hole loosening him up. He hasn't been with anyone since Dan passed and even before then he hadn't bottomed much but he still feels the same intense pleasure and arousal as he always did when it comes to this with Brian. When Brian pulls his fingers out Justin feels empty and he opens his eyes to see Brian staring at him a question in his own. It takes Justin a moment to understand but when he does his heart beats a little faster and he nods his head. The first thrust makes Justin's eyes roll into the back of his head and he's never been happier that he waited for Brian to experience this. Their coupling isn't as frantic or frenzied as it would've been years before but it's slow and sweet and just as satisfying. And when Brian comes and Justin can feel it flooding his insides at that moment he's never felt more connected to him in his life. He whispers for Brian to stay to just stay inside of him and Brian nods.

"You're the only one Justin." Brian whispers and Justin knows what he means knows it means the only one he's ever loved, knows it means the only one he's ever made love with, knows that he's the only one he's ever been inside raw.

"You've always been the first Brian only you." He says back and he knows Brian knows what he means because he kisses him desperately and Justin feels overwhelmed from the emotion.

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><p>Brian Taylor-Kinney dies January 4th, 2048 wrapped in Justin's arms in the bed where they began. They've spent just shy of four amazing months together, even spending two weeks in Italy in October before returning home as Brian grew weaker. The doctors said Brian got a second wind and lasted two months longer than they expected. Justin knows that Brian wanted to get the most he could with Justin in the time he had left and fought tooth and nail not to go before he had to. When Justin wakes that morning he knows Brian's gone knows that the kiss they shared the night before was goodbye and knows that he took a piece of Justin with him. He spends an hour crying and holding onto the man he loves before he calls Gus and the hospital and both arrive within an hour. When they bury him three days later his grave stone reads:<p>

_Brain Taylor-Kinney _

_Beloved Husband, Father, and Friend _

"_No apologies, no regrets" _

_May 14, 1971-January 4, 2048_

The funeral is small but Justin spots familiar faces in the crowd that he hasn't seen in years one of them being a wheelchair bound Ted who at eighty-two lives in North Carolina having retired there with Blake years ago. Justin sits as a few people speak waiting for his turn to tell the people gathered one more time how much Brian Kinney meant to him. The man running the ceremony invites Justin to the small podium and he gathers himself before speaking.

"For those of you who don't know me I'm Justin Taylor-Kinney, Brian's husband. I've loved Brian since I was seventeen years old, a naive gay boy who wondered onto Liberty Avenue looking for a place to fit in, to find people like him. We might not have been together physically all these years but there's never been a day when I didn't carry him in my heart with me. Brian was still himself until he breathed his last breath; he was still loving, beautiful, sarcastic, smart, an amazing father, narcissistic to a fault, and yes the stubborn asshole who told me he didn't believe in love. But I was always onto him and as he liked to say I forced my way and pulled him with me kicking and screaming. He taught me that sometimes you have to put aside your pride and ask for help, that the only person you really need in life is yourself, and that love didn't mean roses and picnics on the floor but soul-searing kisses and dances at Babylon. And he'd call me a lesbianic twat for saying this but I know with every fiber of my being that Brian was my soul-mate and that I wouldn't trade these past four months with him for anything else in the world." He looks out at the crowd at the faces of the people he loves and nods once before leaving the podium and the ceremony continues. At some point he's standing between Gus and Lindsay squeezing both of their hands and as he watches the casket move into the earth he thinks of the letter in his pocket that Brian's lawyer gave him this morning. Everyone starts to leave but he waves off his friends tells them he wants some time alone and he takes the envelope out of his pocket and smiles at Brian's handwriting on the front that reads _Sunshine. _He opens it and pulls out the letter inside that's short and to the point just like Brian.

_Justin, _

_I'm gone if you're reading this but we both know that this was going to happen sooner rather than later. I know that you already know this even though I haven't said it but you have made the last few months of my life the happiest I've ever lived. Waking up each morning knowing that I wasn't alone that you were there made dying easier. When the doctor's told me that I was dying that I had a year left, probably less I wanted to call you. But I'm a stubborn old shit as you well know and when the doctors told me I had two months…well I told Emmett to do what he had too. Waking up that day to your face seeing you look at me the same way you did when you were eighteen years old the night of your prom…if you had only given me that I would've died happy. But you gave me more than that and I know I sound like a lesbian now but I'm a dying old man Sunshine and this is my goodbye to you. Any doubts that I had that you didn't still love me as much as you did before vanished on our wedding night and I saw the truth in your eyes when you said I was always the first. You're the only man I've ever loved and the only man I've kissed in forty six years since we made those rules on the dance floor at Babylon, I felt you should know that. I lived my life with no apologies and regrets Justin but I had one of each and those were for you. I regret not asking you to stay after Deb's funeral and I'm sorry that I only gave you a few months of being your husband. I love you Justin Taylor-Kinney. _

_Love, _

_Brian _

Justin cries and pockets the letter and places a kiss on the headstone and whispers to the wind his love for Brian and gets up and goes. No apologies no regrets.


End file.
